I'm Free

Looking into your eyes I know I'm right
if there's anything worth my love it's worth a fight
we only get one chance
but nothing ties our hands

You're what I want
listen to me
nothing I want
is out of my reach

(chorus)
(I'M FREE)
Heaven helps the man who fights his fear
love's the only thing that keeps me here
(I'M FREE)
you're the reason that I'm hanging on
my heart's staying where my heart belongs
(I'M FREE)

Running away will never make me free
and nothing we sign is any kind of guarantee

But I wanna hold you now
and I won't hold you down

I'm shaking the past
making my breaks
taking control
if that's what it takes

(I'M FREE)
Heaven helps the man who fights his fear
love's the only thing that keeps me here
(I'M FREE)
you're the reason that I'm hanging on
my heart's staying where my heart belongs
(I'M FREE)

But I wanna hold you now
and I won't hold you down

You're what I want
listen to me
nothing I want
is out of my reach

(I'M FREE)
Heaven helps the man who fights his fear
love's the only thing that keeps me here
(I'M FREE)
you're the reason that I'm hanging on
my heart's staying where my heart belongs

(I'M FREE)
Heaven helps the man who fights his fear
love's the only thing that keeps me here
(I'M FREE)
you're the reason that I'm hanging on
my heart's staying where my heart belongs

(I'M FREE)
Heaven helps the man who fights his fear
love's the only thing that keeps me here
(I'M FREE)
you're the reason that I'm hanging on
my heart's staying where my heart belongs
(I'M FREE)

--Kenny Loggins

Post

So....here is my post for today. Hi.

That is all.

Looking forward to the weekend......and Falls Creek...

Okay friends, in my never-ending quest to join every website known to man...

My Myspace account

It's not too pretty yet, but you can add me to your friend list. That would be cool.

I Got The Weekend, You Got The Weekend

Good almost-afternoon, friends!

I had a pretty good Sunday....I went to Sunday School and church, then I went to Pei Wei's for the first time ever. Really awesome food, there. I had sweet and sour chicken, and it actually tasted like it DIDN'T derive from cat remains. I also had crab wontons. Good stuff.

Last night I went to Community Group, then I went over to Cindy's house to carve pumpkins. I decided to make a Homestar Runner pumpkin. It ended up really cute, if I must say so myself. And I must. So there you go.

Things That Make You Go, "Whew!"

Oklahoma Sooners 37, Baylor Bears 30.

'Nuff said.

Oh, and Longest. Game. Ever.

Friday

So, yes...it's Friday. Woo-hoo.

Feelings....Nothing More Than Feelings...

It's hard for me to articulate my feelings, sometimes. It really is. I try to be happy...yet, I feel like I don't deserve happiness. That's something I struggled with for years. When I was a kid, everytime I was beginning to feel like I was liked, belonged, etc...someone shot me down. It's like, on the playground, someone will walk up and tell you that so-and-so said something bad about you, then people will gather around and watch while you cry. It kind of becomes an Olympic sport, after awhile.

Now, I am not trying to make excuses for how I am. I know that I HAVE to learn to accept and love myself. I am who I am...and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am just trying to make sense of the reasons that I deal with things.

Trust. Is that a ten-cent word, nowadays? People say "I trust in the Lord" like they say "Hi." But what does that really mean? To place your trust in the Lord is to put everything, EVERYTHING, in His hands. Your life, your decisions...all of it. I know at times I struggle with that as well. Make that all the time.

Same with the people I love. It appalls me how few people I truly trust. I could count the number on one of my hands. Or maybe both hands. I love many people dearly. But there are very, VERY few that I truly trust.

Men. Why do good-hearted, sweet guys always comment about not having a girlfriend? And why do said sweet guys get so wrapped up in their perception that they don't notice the girl who will say something to them, then blush and duck away because they want to get to know the guy better but is too scared to say anything to them? Why do those guys get so obsessed with finding a hot girl that they will ignore the modestly hot girls like myself that will make them happier than any carnal hotness could? Why do these guys not notice what is right under their noses?

Sorry...I went on a rampage there. But you know what I mean?

Hurt

I don't know how to put my thoughts into words. This has been a very difficult road that I am travelling. Outwardly, not much is going on. Inwardly, I am questioning everything....my thoughts, my motives, my relationship with God, my trust in Him.

I try not to self-disclose too much on here...but I feel broken inside. I know that can be a good thing...God breaks us to help us grow. But it still hurts.

New Book

Well, I started reading The Calvary Road...that's the new book that we are doing for Community Group next period. It seemed to be a really good book. I think I will enjoy it.

Speaking of church, I have almost decided to join Council. I am still praying about it.

That's about it from my end. It's Tuesday, which means I will be having Mazzio's tonight. Fun times.

No Confession

Still no confessions from the Spam Culprit. I am beginning to think that maybe it WASN'T a friend of mine trying to be cute. I know that it was a Cox ISP address in Oklahoma City. That's all I know.

I have my suspicions, though........

Spam-ments

I have a suspicion about something...Seems that someone I know is leaving spammesque messages on my Blogger blog, trying to be cute.

I think I know who did the first one...I have been putting two and two together.

"Caribbean vacations" under gas prices? O----kay....

Soapbox Speech of the Day

Last night while I was cleaning, I came across this book I forgot I had. It is a book studying the book of Isaiah in the Bible. I am going to start reading it. The title of the book is "Be Comforted." Sounds like something I can use.

I recieved a piece of literature today that made me think on the subject of helping others. Do we do so because we want to be the Great Father, the Savior? No! They already have a Savior in Christ, if they have accepted Him. Nor should we go into it with the mindset of "They should grovel before us in gratitude." Folks, when people are in crisis mode, sometimes they say things or react in ways that we don't think are "appropriate." That is because of stress, sinful nature, etc. So sometimes we may not always recieve the gratitude due us.

We help out because God commanded us to. Jesus said that anyone who gives a cold cup of water in His name would be blessed. We give because Jesus gave His life for us. We give out of a spirit of humility, because we want to help ease the pains of people who are hurting, even in a small way.

Okay, I am off my soapbox now.

Struggle

Life is a struggle sometimes. I have been trying to fill my mind with God...think about good things...that will offset the loneliness that I sometimes feel. Yesterday I bought the Wow 2006 CD, and I have been listening to it a lot.

This weekend I saw "Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit." Cute movie. Maybe not something I would go and see on my own, but I liked it the same. It's based on a UK cartoon. I need to do some research on that.

Last Night

God is wonderful. Jesus is wonderful. I have to believe that no matter what, I can say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Last night I went to my Community Group. It was the last one for a couple of weeks. I will sure miss going. I have learned so much....and I learned so much last time.

Basically, what keeps me going? Why do I continue to wake up every morning, go about my business, go to church, email people, etc. etc. ? Especially these past couple of weeks, where I have felt pretty much nothing but hurt and confusion?

Ryan, our facilitator, showed a clip from Castaway. The main character was talking about what kept him going, even when he thought he was going to die on the island. He said that knowing that the sun was going to rise the next morning was what kept him going.

Yes, I have messed up so many times in my life. I have focused on other things than God. I have so often been selfish in my friendships and relationships. I have seen Jesus as a me-me-me proposition.

It's not about me, folks. It's just not. I am here to serve God. I am here to glorify Him in my life.

So, why do I keep going? Knowing that I do make a difference in people's life. Knowing that somewhere, there will be a person to whom I will mean the world. Knowing that God made me special, with so many things to offer. Knowing that I can use my talents to glorirfy Him.

Events

Wow.

And that's all I have to say.

1.) Today would have been the day I would have left for NYC, had the trip panned out as scheduled. Some terrorists are allegedly (key word is allegedly) planning to bomb the subway system there tomorrow. When my friends and I would have been using it. That is a scary thought.

2.) OU-Texas. I am predicting either a shut-out or a one-touchdown game. Who I want to win? OU. Who will probably win? Well....

Getting Worse

Well, I wish I could say that the situation has gotten better. But it's gotten worse. It's actually mutating and taking different forms.

Satan is attacking me. A lot. I struggle so much with myself. I'm my own worst enemy in so many ways. I feel angry, desperate, hopeless, etc. etc. Ugh.

What's wrong with me?

Emotions

There are a lot of emotions going through my head right now. I can't talk about a lot of them, because I have a policy against crying at work.

Please pray for me.

Thanks.

Tragedy

There has been absolutely too much tragedy going on lately...Two people in the singles group at Council have lost loved ones in the past week. Also, other stuff has been going on that I can't talk about. Also Hurricane Katrina, Rita, etc.

Please pray for the people involved...

Lessons Learned This Weekend

I may not be particularly good-looking, suave, or chic, but I have a lot to offer a guy. If nothing else, my friendship.

There are too many wonderful, sweet people in the world for me to poison my heart trying to associate with people that are going to trample on my feelings or act like I am "less than". (Don't worry...if you are reading this, you are almost definitely in the former category.) God said to love your enemy. He didn't say that you had to bear your feelings to them.

I am loving Council Road Baptist. If anyone from there is reading, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Thank you for encouraging me, for praying for me, for thinking about me. I love you guys!

And to Village, I love you guys too. Village will always be my first church home. To Misti and Brian, I miss hanging with you guys. Call me! :-)

The End. (For now anyway.)

Things

Scott put a bunch of his songs on his website. I will try to download the ones I don't have already (on his two CD's) when I get home, if my home Internet connnection is working again.

It's really rainy here today. I hope that the rain clears up in time for me to go to church on Sunday. That way I won't be sliding all over the road.

What else...Yesterday I finally bought me a jean skirt! Yes, I know you are thrilled. I will be wearing it to church on Sunday. I figured a jean skirt will go with just about anything and look at least decently cute. It's about knee-length, which I find is a good length for me. I also want to get a black skirt about that length.